OVERWHELMED AND TAKING A BREAK

I hate having to write this post, I really do. I’ve been so overwhelmed and stressed with everything going on my life lately. Just between work, my relationship, moving, putting together a house, and trying to even think about planning a wedding. I’m incredibly overwhelmed. I feel like I have too much going on in my life, and I need to figure out what to change and focus on. 

Obviously, my relationship is my number one priority. We have been dealing with long distance for way too long now, and making our house a home is a whole lot harder than I ever expected. My job keeps me away for longer than I’d like. I feel like I’m constantly traveling and living out of my suitcase – either in Wisconsin with my fiancé, in California with my family in between trips, or when I’m working and on a trip. It’s really stressful and it has definitely taken a toll on me. Work isn’t easy anymore. I’m stuck in this back and forth between working more and being away from home longer OR being home more but not being paid very much at all. I want to be a great partner, I want to help with our future family, but I also want to be present and involved in our life together. I know that she feels alone at times, and so do I. 

I wish I had more than 24 hours in a day. And I just don’t. I can’t sleep much, I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve done something fun and for myself, and no matter what I’m doing – I feel guilty for not being with my family or doing something else that’s important to me. I’ve become so overwhelmed with everything going on in my life, that I need to go back to focusing on just one thing and slowly pick other things back up when I’m ready and feel like I can handle it again.

It brings me to say, unfortunately.. that I need to take a step back from social media. Especially this blog. I wish I had the time to sit down and write all the time. I wish I could keep this up and also focus on everything else in my life, but I can’t. I don’t know when I’ll be back, I don’t know when I will be able to pick up my writing and work on this blog again. But I will be back, eventually, when the time is right. When I have a handle on my life. It might be three months, it might be six months, it might be in a year. 

I’m sorry to my family and friends that have been reading my blog consistently. I promise that I will pick this up again, when I’m ready. Thank you for always supporting me. 

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SOME EXCITING NEWS!

I know I’ve been slacking when it comes to writing posts regularly. Life has just been so darn crazy lately, and I just realized I haven’t even explained the main reason why! It’s so exciting- are you ready for it? 

WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!!!!

That’s right! My fiancé and I finally agreed on a house and bought it! I’ll admit, I was the one that was super picky, she liked just about every house we saw. It took us a little while, but it really was quite drama free when it came to closing on this house. It’s a beautiful ranch style house on the end of cul-de-sac, and we are in love! Took us 2 months, but the walls are painted, cabinets and doors are repainted, framing is done, and the new floors are put in! I will be the first one to say, my fiancé did all of the hard work. I mean ALL of the hard work. She somehow managed to work at home for 4-6 hours each day, painting, sanding, etc. and then went to work all night! I truly don’t know how she did it, but I am so impressed and appreciative of her. 

The house looks amazing, and as Chip and Joanna would say- she’s passed the baton to me! Now it’s my turn to find the furniture and other pieces for our new home. I’m still just so in shock every time I see the house- it’s really ours! 

I don’t have many pictures yet, but once I do- I promise you’ll be seeing them up here on the blog. But, if you follow me on Instagram you can see some before & after pictures on there- go check it out! 

LOSING THE WEIGHT, GAINING THE STRENGTH

I’ve never been the type of person to really worry about my weight. I won’t lie, I’ve been fortunate to have been born with a fast metabolism and relatively petite body shape. (Thank goodness for my parents!) I eat like I’m 6 years old, I’m talking chicken strips, french fries, pizza, and lots of bread. A LOT of bread. When I was a teenager, I could eat whatever I wanted, worked out for the track team, and never gained a pound.  But as you get older, your body starts to change and I’m really starting to notice that change. Have I gained weight over the past 7 years since graduating high school? Yes, but who hasn’t?! If you were to look at me now, you wouldn’t notice the extra pudginess I have on my tummy, or the way my thighs are starting to touch when I’m standing up, or even how my cheeks have gotten bigger over the years. But I notice. I’ve noticed and my self confidence has definitely started to dwindle because of it. Now let me state for the record: I do not care about the number on the scale. i really don’t. I just want to be able to fit into my jeans, without having to unbutton them when I sit down. I want to not be winded when I run up a couple flights of stairs, I want to feel confident in a bikini. 

I know how to lose the extra weight, and gain the muscle. I was an athlete. My dad was a professional athlete, and he taught me how to train. How to take care of my body from the inside out. I know my way through the gym, I can create the meal plans, I know how to do it. But it’s just so darn hard to stick to it! I figured if I talk about how I’m feeling, what I plan on doing, and my struggles/successes, maybe this blog and you readers can help me stick to it! I would like to lose some of the weight, and I know it’s almost all from what I eat. 

It’s hard eating healthy when I’m constantly gone from home. But here’s my plan. Before I go on trips, I will start making myself sandwiches. Now I know what you’re thinking: I just said I eat a lot of bread, and now I’m suggesting sandwiches?! But hear me out: when I don’t pack food for work, I end up eating out whenever I can find food that I like. This includes pizza, chicken strips, burgers, french fries, etc. If I were to stop eating this type of food as often (I could never completely stop with the burgers) and started eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, ham and cheese, turkey and cheese sandwiches I would start to notice a difference. If I packed almonds, raisins, craisins, fresh fruit, carrots, granola bars instead of Cheese It’s and chips, I would notice a difference. Just these small changes alone, will help me not only drop a couple pounds, but start to break the habit of always eating unhealthy. 

Now the sweaty part. Working out. It’s best (for me, personally) to work out when I’m on trips. All hotels have some type of fitness center which could include free weights, cardio equipment, pools, saunas, even free yoga classes. If I spend 30 minutes a night in the gym on my layovers, I will start to see a change in my body. I don’t have to start running three miles every day (I hate running long distances- but if that works for you, more power to you!), I could start off walking at an incline. This will not only help my cardio, but it’s a great way to clear my mind from a long day. I’ve already started this 30 day Squat challenge where you try to squat 100 times each day. Sounds easy enough, and it is for the most part. But sometimes you’re just so busy running around, you don’t even have alone time to squat. I find myself jumping up and squatting during commercial breaks, when I’m waiting for the water to warm up before my shower, and before I get dressed in the morning. I’ve even had to get some squats in pubic restrooms because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t make it to 100 that day. The first couple days were HARD. By day 3 my legs were hurting so bad. But by day 6 I started to notice it wasn’t so bad. Now I don’t do all 100 squats at once, although you could, I try to space it out throughout my day so it doesn’t get too repetitive. 

I’m hoping that in the next few weeks I can really start to see some changes in my body, maybe not looking at it but at least feeling a difference. Wish me luck! 

 

CRAZIEST HAWAIIAN VACATION!

The last two weeks in January, my fiancé and I planned an amazing trip to Honolulu. It was her very first time to Hawaii, and I wanted it to be absolutely perfect for her. But let me just tell you – this trip was a complete nightmare. Buckle up because you’re in for a bumpy ride. 

It started off with me flying on a redeye from San Francisco to Chicago. My fiancé, who lives in Wisconsin, had to drive three hours to Chicago to meet up with me after working all night. Her flight became overbooked (we fly standby because of my flight benefits. Perks of being a flight attendant!) This part wasn’t so much of a disaster, just trying to set the scene. Once we were both in Chicago, we were able to get an entire row of 4 seats to ourselves for the long 9 and a half hour flight to Honolulu. This was perfect because we were able to take turns laying out and taking a nap. By the time we landed in Honolulu, we were more than ready to explore and just truly enjoy our first vacation as an engaged couple. 

Well…. this is where everything went wrong. We got in the shuttle to the hotel, and as soon as we started driving away, my internal warning light started flashing. We ended up leaving my laptop on the plane. Completely panicked, I started calling the airport, the airline, customer service, baggage claim, lost and found. But of course by the time I called, everything was closed in Honolulu and wouldn’t open until 8am the next morning. I left plenty of messages and just prayed that someone would find my laptop over night. We ended up having a great first night, just walking to the beach for the sunset, picking up some groceries, and heading back to the hotel. Ordered from UberEats, and they forgot some of our food! It wasn’t the end of the world but it was our first meal in Honolulu and it would’ve been nice to actually try all the food we had ordered and paid for. 

The second day we went out to the pool several times (the sun kept playing hide and seek with the clouds) and found a great luau for that night. The luau was amazing! Delicious food, drinks were alright, the hosts and hostesses were amazing, and the entertainment was perfect. When we had our picture taken as well, we nailed it! It’s hard sometimes getting the right shot the first time around for us because she’s 6’1 and I’m 5’4, not to mention we are completely different shades and lighting can make one of us completely disappear (she’s white, I’m black). Photographing us is not as easy task, so bravo to the photographer that night! 

The next day we decided to change our hotels just to get a different view of the island. The hotel we first stayed at was nice, but we wanted to get a bit closer to downtown Waikiki. The second hotel was perfect! They checked us in early, gave us an upgraded room, and even had free continental breakfast each day we stayed. But this is when everything started going downhill FAST. 

Be prepared, this may be TMI. I got my period the third day. Which isn’t that big of a deal, but I’m on vacation. The last thing I want to do is worry about all that going on, especially considering I want to go swimming in the ocean! My plan was to spend the entire week in my bikini, and I just felt gross and my stomach was hurting. Also, she started getting sick. At first we just thought maybe it was from too much sun or she had picked up a little cold. But overnight, it went from feeling tired to full on sneezing, coughing, body aches, and fever. Poor thing! I felt so bad, but I was miserable too. 

We both weren’t feeling well, and just ended up snapping on each other for the rest of the trip. We tried salvaging the trip by going to the zoo, going out for lunches and dinners. We even tried paddle boarding. Now this is where our vacation just got to be so ridiculous. After laying out on the beach for a couple hours, I finally convinced her to try paddle boarding with me. I’ve done stand up paddle boarding several times and I absolutely loved it. I thought she would really enjoy it because it’s a great exercise without really feeling the burn. Well, she didn’t enjoy it. Granted, neither did I but it was just a bad idea from the beginning. The company we rented from only had one typical board left, and gave her a thinner but longer board. We started out just fine, but by the time we got out a bit the waves were a little rougher. As sick as she was, she just couldn’t handle the waves. I looked back at her, and she was on all fours dry heaving into the Pacific Ocean. After getting over the bought of sea sickness, she couldn’t figure out exactly how to work her board and we were drifting apart LITERALLY. Next thing you know, we are SCREAMING at each other 50 yards away. I’m trying to convince her to just go back to shore, and she’s trying to convince me that she’s fine and we can stay out longer. We eventually just made it back to the beach and called it a day. 

Our trip ended earlier than we would’ve liked and instead of going back to California for a couple days to spend time with my family, we decided to fly back to Chicago so I could get her home and feeling better instead. We got another row of 4 seats together, and she slept the entire flight. Once we landed in Chicago, I drove us home to Wisconsin and spent two days trying to get her better. 

Now let me get back to the first disaster of our trip. My laptop. I called and called every single day, every couple hours, trying to get ahold of anyone who could help me find my laptop. And, nothing. Every phone number I was given just went to voicemail and I was slowly starting to lose my mind. When we went back to the airport to fly to Chicago, I stopped by baggage claim lost and found, hoping that they found something. They didn’t have any news for me, but did say they would call as soon as they found it. Well guess who got a call the night we got back to Chicago. Yup, they found my laptop. Except they couldn’t confirm that it was mine because it was dead and they needed the serial number for the laptop. If you know me at all, you know I’m one of the most organized people in the world, but guess who didn’t have the serial number to her laptop. Once again, yup- no serial number that I could find. After stocking up on NyQuil and cough drops, I had to leave Wisconsin and fly on ANOTHER 9 and a half hour flight to Honolulu to try to get my laptop back. I get to baggage claim lost and found, walked in and found my laptop (WHICH WAS STILL CHARGED TO 90% BY THE WAY!!!!) and then flew on a redeye back to San Francisco. 

End of nightmare. 

Even just saying the name Hawaii makes my stomach churn. What was supposed to be an amazing, romantic, blissful vacation turned into a complete disaster where we argued and slowly lost our minds. I can say this though, even though both of us were completely miserable, we still laughed with each other harder than we ever have before. After we got home, talked out our silly arguments, we knew that this vacation made us stronger than ever. If we can get through a disaster trip, we can get through anything. This was the first of many tough times for us to get through, but the fact that we got through it together, still loving each other, taking care of each other even when we both felt yucky, just proves that we really are supposed to be together. 

It might be quite awhile until we go on a vacation again, but when we do, we’ll be ready for whatever the world throws our way. 

NEW YEAR, NEW GOALS

It’s the beginning of February, and I’m just now coming up with my goals for this year. (Please don’t judge me!) Here are my goals, in no particular order: 

  1. Move my life to Wisconsin. It’s about darn time! I spend about half of home time, in Wisconsin. (When I say home time, I mean the few days a month that I’m not traveling the world.) It’s not going to be easy, especially with my schedule and her schedule, but it’s getting harder and harder to be away from her and our lives are coming together quickly. It’s going to be really hard to say goodbye to California, to my family, to everything that I’ve ever known. But I’m excited for what the future holds for us. 
  2. Working harder on my blog. I want to revamp this whole thing! Instead of focusing on my depression, I want to focus more on my everyday struggles and life changes. This is a time in my life where nothing is staying the same, and I want to be able to document those changes, share my feelings, and show other people that it’s okay to not be okay with change. 
  3. Continue with my education. If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I have started taking classes to (FINALLY) finish my college degree. I decided to take a break from school during the holidays, and honestly I need to continue that break. Working and spending half of my time in California and the other half in Wisconsin just doesn’t leave much room for studying, papers, and actually focusing on my education. Once I move, I plan on picking right back up where I left and hopefully finishing my degree in a couple years. 
  4. Stop stressing myself out. I’m not perfect. I need to remember that. There are going to be times where I just can’t do everything. I need to learn how to ask for help and stop being such a control freak. The best part of having a partner is that I don’t go through anything alone, and yet I’ve been pushing her away because I think I have to be the one to handle everything. Definitely not the case. 
  5. Enjoy my life. I’ve had so many years of struggles, frustrations, and just being downright sad all the time. I can’t control life’s curveballs, but I can control my reactions. It’s time for me to start living, to enjoy the little moments, and just be happy. 

What are your goals for 2018? What are you willing to change to make this year your best year yet? 

HOBBY VS CAREER

The past few years of my life, I’ve been trying to find what I’m passionate about. I’ve struggled to find what makes me happy, what takes my stress away after a long day. I know that there are some things that I enjoy to do, but it’s nothing that I would want to turn into a career.

When I was seventeen years old and had just been accepted to Washington State University, my dad asked me what I was thinking of majoring in. I knew I wanted to be a teacher, but I always had the dream of playing the piano professionally. My dad suggested working towards a major (or minor) in classical music or piano. It sounded like a great idea at the time, and I thought that was what I would do. After about a week of thinking about it, I realized that it just wouldn’t work for me. Playing the piano is a hobby of mine, it’s something I love to do for me. I love it so much, that I only play for myself. I couldn’t bring together what I do for school, and what I do for fun. I needed to keep those separate so I could still enjoy playing the piano. 

I wonder now if my life is still the same. Even though I enjoy doing something, would the enjoyment be taken away if I made it more of a career than a hobby? 

I love baking, but more so just for fun for my family and friends. Sometimes I think about possibly opening a bakery, but I’m not a professional. I love baking for my fiancé, especially when she requests something I’ve never tried to make before. What if I make a career out of baking and end up hating it? 

Photography has been something that I’ve come to enjoy the past couple years of traveling. I love getting to take pictures of my family, the sunsets, and the beautiful cities I get to visit. I have a great camera, it works for me, and my knowledge is very basic when it comes to lighting and editing. I could take some photography classes, maybe become a professional, and open up my own studio one day. I could enjoy that. Right now, I take pictures for me. For my family, for my friends, just to capture the moment and the beauty. Would I still feel passionately about it if it was my job? If I was taking pictures of a stranger or the same city every day? 

Now what else do I enjoy doing? What else could I possibly see myself doing one day? What do I do now? Well.. I write? It’s not quite stories, but I’ve written short stories before. I don’t have the English major, to be honest I only took one English class in college. I’m a decent speller, and I’m proficient when it comes to grammar. (See, I used proficient!) Could I sit down and write a book? Would I want to be an author? Or maybe I should stick with the blog, and just write on here? I just bought a writing book that I am going to try out, it gives you topics of a story to create and just one page to do it. My other passion, is reading. I love to read. My bookcases are full of books that I’ve read, and I have no problem rereading. When I shop at thrift stores, I head straight for the discounted books. How do I cheer myself up on a rainy day? I go to the bookstore. Once again though, I don’t have a college degree (yet!). I wouldn’t know how to be an editor or a publisher, I wouldn’t even know how to get into that type of career. My question still comes to mind, would I want to mix my passion with a career? 

Who knows what I’ll end up doing with my career. Part of me still wants to be a teacher, part of me wants to try something new- something that will allow me to be home with my family, work at my pace, and to do what I love. Making money won’t hurt either! How did you decide what you were going to do for a career? Do you feel like you made the right decision, or do you have any regrets? Let me know in the comments! 

IT’S BEEN AWHILE

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, and I know I have some explaining to do. I wish there was just one simple answer, but there isn’t. I’ve been so busy, overwhelmed, and just plain stressed out the past few weeks, that I just haven’t had any time to write. Not to mention, I haven’t really known WHAT to write about lately. I’ve been considering shutting down Stuck on Kitchen Floor, just because I’m at a point where I don’t really know what to say, I don’t know what to do with this blog anymore. But I feel like that would be quitting on something therapeutic that has helped me through the past couple years. I’d be embarrassed if I quit now. 

When I first started this blog, I wanted this to be a place where I could share my daily struggles, my thoughts, and find people going through similar struggles in life. It’s been two years, and the only people that read my posts are a couple family members and a few friends. (I am INCREDIBLY honored and thankful to you reading this now!!!!) But I wanted this to be more.. public. To be able to be shared and reach people all across the world. Now I don’t want to be famous, I don’t want to make money off on my blog, I would just like to create a place where I can share my thoughts, my travels, and my life story as I’m creating it. 

It might take me awhile, so I’m asking you to be patient. I’m trying to figure out what my goals are with Stuck on The Kitchen Floor, and how to make it happen. So many parts of my life are changing, and this part is changing as well. I hope when I’m finished, when I am satisfied with the way this blog is coming together, that you are still reading this. 

See you soon! 

HOLIDAY MADNESS

With the holidays quickly approaching (how did Christmas sneak up on me this year?!) I’ve been so stressed with working, planning vacations, shopping for presents, and spending time with my loved ones. I’ll be doing the best I can to keep up with my three posts each week, but I can’t make any promises. I hope you all are enjoying the holidays with your family and friends, travel safe, and can’t wait to share my holiday adventures with you all! 

STRESSFUL HOLIDAYS?

Okay, is anyone stressing this holiday season?! 

It’s just coming up way too quick. I feel like just last week it was Valentine’s Day, and now here we are- full on Christmas spirit. Where did the year go? But I can’t seem to find my Christmas spirit just yet. It must be buried underneath the holiday stress that creeped up out of nowhere. 

I miss those days where the biggest stress was passing Biology and getting those new jeans you’ve been BEGGING for for Christmas. I’d do anything to have that stress again. Now it’s the stress of working enough so you can pay all your bills but not working too much so you can actually see your family for the holidays, trying not to gain the dreaded holiday weight, buying Christmas presents for all the members of your family, having the days off for family/friends vacations and holiday parties, and not to mention find the time to put up your favorite winter decorations. Oh, and did I forget sleep? What is sleep nowadays? I couldn’t tell you the last time I didn’t have to set an alarm to get up insanely early. 

Is anyone else having a hard time with this holiday season? What are your tips and tricks to just stop and enjoy the moment without stressing about your to-do list? I just want to enjoy the holidays with my loved ones. 

ANNOUNCEMENT!

If you follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat then you already know what my big announcement is. If you don’t… well you better sit down because this one’s a big one! 

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I am engaged!!!!! After two years of amazing times, traveling across the United States, difficult trials, and making long-distance work, my amazing wonderful girlfriend proposed. And of course I said YES! We are both just so excited for our future and to spend the rest of our lives together. We are so incredibly thankful to have our families and friends supporting us, I don’t think either one of us have ever felt so loved. 

Keep checking back for the proposal story, and more posts about our plans for the wedding!