I try really hard to stay aware of my feelings, the way I act on my feelings, and how I move forward from those feelings. I thought I had it figured out, for the most part, until I was surprised by work and sent to Singapore. There was a post earlier this month explaining my full on panic attack that lasted about three hours and ended with swollen eyes and a crazy bad headache. But.. that hasn’t been the last time I’ve had a panic attack.
I know that when I get extremely overwhelmed I tend to break down. Breaking down isn’t new for me, I’ve always broken down at some point. I try to hold everything in as long as I can until I just can’t take it anymore. But I’ve never cried when I have been overwhelmed.
Until this last month. I’m noticing now that when I get overwhelmed, I cry. An uncontrollable, hard to stop once I get started, comes out of nowhere cry. And not just like one tear, I’m talking like go through an entire box of Kleenex, put cold spoons on my eyes to bring down the swelling, can’t catch my breath because I’m sobbing so hard type of cry. You know how little kids do that thing where they shakily try to catch their breath after they cry? Yup, I do that too.
Why have I developed this new trait? I’ve always been overly emotional, I’ve always been able to cry over the sad movies, the sweet birthday card, or the ASPCA commercials. But now it’s anytime that I get completely overwhelmed, I break down and cry. The good part is that I’m able to stop myself, to eventually pull myself together, and complete what needs to be completed. I can pick myself back up. The bad part? It’s hard always being the one to pick yourself back up. It would be nice to have that special someone there with me, to help me through the bad times.
Is this crying thing going to last? Is it officially a part of who I am? Will I always cry when I get overwhelmed? Is there a way to fix this?