Lately I’ve been struggling with the idea of trying medication. An anxiety prescription, something stronger for depression, or even a natural remedy to help with anxiety and depression.
Part of me feels like I’ve gotten to the point where I need that help. I need something to help me get out of my head, something to make me not feel as much. I’m a very emotional person in general, and my depression just amplifies that. I used to just cry over sweet commercials, touching birthday/holiday cards, or a sad ending to a movie. But in the past few months it has grown into something ridiculous. I cry on the plane, thinking too long about something close to me, even getting overwhelmed by the smallest thing can bring me to tears.
Would medication help that? Would medication make me numb? I don’t want to lose who I am. I know I’m an emotional person, and sometimes it would be nice to have a break from that. But I’m afraid that medication would cloud my mind, it would change who I am and maybe not for the better.
I rather be unapologetically myself than a numb version of myself. Trying medication has always been tempting for me, but I think it’s best for me to get to the bottom of my depression and not just attempt to calm the symptoms. Everyone is different, every person’s depression is different. Medication may work for some, medication may not work for others. I’m standing firm with my decision to not go down that route. I think that is the best way for me to heal, is to do it on my own and find different outlets for myself.
I’ve been trying really hard to find the things that make me happy. When I get down, I know how to make myself feel a little bit better. Whether it’s reading a book, baking cookies, going for a long drive, visiting my siblings, just taking a day to relax in bed and watch movies. I can find things to pick myself back up, and until those things don’t work for me, I won’t look towards medication.