Oh, you young sweet thing. How innocent and beautiful. You knew everything you wanted and didn’t shy away from a challenge. The entire world was there at your fingertips, and you decided what you wanted and what you didn’t. 

You were the one who decided to play the piano. You wanted to. You saw someone playing and the idea just stuck in your head. After persisting for more than a year, your dad finally rented a keyboard and signed you up for lessons. Not even five years later you would have your first grand piano and dream of playing forever. You’d be so disappointed now to know that you haven’t touched a piano in months, haven’t had the time to play or even think if playing. 

You couldn’t wait to grow up, to do everything you wanted to do. When someone would ask you what you wanted to do when you grew up, you knew immediately. You wanted to graduate from Washington State University, become a teacher, live in San Diego, and one day become a wife and mother. That was it. You never dreamt of being an astronaut or a rockstar. (Okay, you did have a little dream about becoming a Disney Channel star, but that’ll be our little secret. Shh!) 

All you wanted was to be with your parents, you hated to see them fight. You wanted to be a big sister and FINALLY had a baby brother on the way. Who knew that becoming a big sister would eventually have you dying to have a career working with children and having kids of your own. 

You never looked to others to please them. You just knew what you wanted and what you didn’t want. You wanted to do everything your own way. Remember, your first two words? “My own.” How appropriate. 

You, my five year old shadow, are my hero. You are my goal. To get back to the place where I trusted, where I loved without hesitation, where I wasn’t afraid to do what I wanted to do because I knew it would make me happy. You had no problem making a decision, you didn’t worry about the consequences. You lived and you learned. 

I’m sorry I’ve let you down. I promise I’m working on getting back to you, and making our dreams come true. 

 

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2 thoughts on “OPEN LETTER TO MY 5 YEAR OLD SELF

  1. If I had the ability to squish you back down I would do so! That would mean I could live in that moment when I would let you play with flour, sprinkles, cinnamon, and spices. Then, when you were done baking your concoction I could vacuum it all up and read with you. You are a gem no matter what age I’m glad you are seeing things like you are now that your only 22 because realizing those dreams we had when your 52 is much harder to recreate! You still have a full life ahead of you….don’t make me say …”I told you so” twice!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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