I am twenty two years old, and I do not have any friends.
I’m being just slightly dramatic of course, I do have FRIENDS. Friends that I’ve met through work over the past couple years, occasionally hanging out or catching up over the phone. But do we talk every day or every week? No. Do we see each other every week or even every month? No. Do I feel like I can call them crying and they’ll drop everything to be there for me? No, I don’t.
What made me come to this realization? Well, I was thinking about my one day wedding. (One day = years from now.) Who would I have by my side on the happiest day of my life? My sister is only 6, I couldn’t ask her to be my maid of honor and expect her to help with planning the wedding. Don’t get me wrong- she would LOVE to do my makeup, but I don’t plan on walking down the aisle with hot pink lipstick and frosty blue eyeshadow. Who would be my maid of honor? I don’t really have anyone.
I’m not friends with anyone from high school or college anymore. Sure, we’re connected on Facebook and Instagram, but are we REALLY friends? Not so much. The people I consider friends, I’ve only known for less than two years. I used to have so many friends in high school. My mom would drop me off at school on a Friday night for the football game and I’d walk in not knowing who I would hang out with, but I’d always meet a group of people and have an amazing time. I had no problem meeting new people, and I was consistently invited out and always do something different. But now? I couldn’t tell you the last time I was invited by anyone to do anything.
Where did my friends go? Did life just move us all in different directions? Was I a bad friend? Was I too selfish, too needy, too weird? Did they not really like me? How bad of a person must I be to not have any friends? To not be invited or included in anything.
How do I go about making new friends? It was easy when I was in school, you had a class with someone and then BOOM! A new friend! Easy peasy. (How the heck do you even spell peasy?!) But now that I’m an adult (or trying to be an adult) how do I go about making new friends? It’s terrifying thinking about walking into a bar not knowing anyone and trying to make conversation. It’s like dating. I don’t like dating!
It’s really lonely when you don’t have friends. When you don’t have someone to call and invite over to just watch a movie and stuff your face with popcorn. It’s hard on your self confidence when you’re never invited to go shopping or go on a road trip. You know, I’ve never been on a road trip with friends. It’s lonely. I’m lonely.
I miss having friends. I miss being included.