My family means the entire world to me. I would do absolutely anything for my siblings, and it’s my biggest fear in life to disappoint my parents. I’ve struggled my entire life with my parents never being together- constantly going back and forth between my mom’s house and my dad’s house. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my childhood but at times it would be really tough having to split everything. As a kid, I would be invited to a birthday party but I wouldn’t go because it would interfere with one of the two days I got to see my dad during the week. Or I wouldn’t get as involved as I wished with after school activities so I could spend time with my siblings at my mom’s.
Now that I’m older, I’m living with my dad and so thankful that I am getting to spend more time with him. Getting to know my parents now is completely different- I see the struggles they went through when I was a kid, and I feel blessed to be so close to them. With my siblings, it’s just such an indescribable feeling. I think it is just absolutely amazing to be able to watch my younger siblings grow and develop their own personalities, dreams, and opinions.
I’ve had a hard time the last few years adjusting to being an adult and trying to find my own way and what I want to do with my life. My parents are very opinionated and influential to me as far as what they want me to accomplish in my life. The problem is, I’m not too sure what I want to do yet, and I feel like I am disappointing my family when I don’t do exactly what they want me to do. It’s hard to stand up for yourself to your parents when just a couple years ago, I listened and did everything they said without a question. Now I’m realizing that it’s MY life, and I’m the one that has to be content with myself and what I’m doing. I can’t try to make my parents happy forever. If I do try, which I believe I have been doing, I won’t ever be happy with myself and where my life is going. My twenties are for me to figure out who I am and sometimes that includes doing what I think is best. If I make mistakes along the way, my parents are going to be there to help, support, and pick me up. But I need to live and make decisions on my own. Being so close to my family, it’s really hard to step back and become more independent. I know my parents will always have my best interest in mind, but I need to do this for myself.
I have to live for me.