OLD ENOUGH TO BE A MOM?

Many of you know that my siblings are like my own children, and I cannot wait to have my own little family one day. For the record, I AM waiting to have children, I’m just excited and looking forward to that time in my life. A few months ago, I had a conversation with my five year old sister and I realize just how truly brilliant she is. Here’s how the conversation went:

Sister: “Sissy, can I ask you something?”

Me: “Of course baby, what’s up?”

Sister: “Are you old enough to be a mommy?”

I take a second to respond. I know that there is a chance that any of her class mates COULD have parents that are 22 years old.

Me: “Well, technically yes. But God wants us to find someone first to help us become a mommy or daddy.”

Sister: “Oh, like how my mommy found my daddy?”

Me: “Exactly!”

I’m now crossing my fingers she doesn’t ask any birds and the bees type of questions.

My little sister goes back to coloring and watching our brother play baseball.

Two minutes later…

Sister: “So, sissy? Are you looking for someone to help you be a mommy?”

Me: “A little bit.”

Sister: “Oh okay.”

And then she was done with the conversation! She completely blew my mind! This precious little fireball of energy just stopped in the middle of coloring Hello Kitty to have an adult conversation with me about if I’m having kids any time soon. Was my sister pressuring me to have kids? Does she want a little baby to play with? Or was she just generally curious? 

Sometimes you get so wrapped up in the real world that you forget what it’s like to be a kid and to have the innocence and curious mind of a child. But then when they open their mouths, you remember they are growing and forming their own opinions and thoughts. By no means do I want to approve of being a mother at a young age, but I also don’t want to exclude the kids in her kindergarten class who do have parents my age. I want my sister to grow to form her own opinions and her own standards for her life. I just want to be able to set a good example for her, and be there to tell her the lessons I’ve learned. 

There’s a quote that goes, “If you cannot explain something to a five year old, then you yourself do not understand.” Does this mean that I understand what it means to be a parent or am I ready to become a mother? Absolutely not. But doesn’t this mean I understand where I want to be in my life before becoming a mom? Absolutely. Every person has their own time line and when they will or will not be ready to start a new chapter in their life. 

This simple conversation made me realize that I might not be where I wanted to be at the age of twenty two, but I’m someone that I’m proud of and I’m starting a new chapter myself.

 

 

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LIVING FOR ME

My family means the entire world to me. I would do absolutely anything for my siblings, and it’s my biggest fear in life to disappoint my parents. I’ve struggled my entire life with my parents never being together- constantly going back and forth between my mom’s house and my dad’s house. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my childhood but at times it would be really tough having to split everything. As a kid, I would be invited to a birthday party but I wouldn’t go because it would interfere with one of the two days I got to see my dad during the week. Or I wouldn’t get as involved as I wished with after school activities so I could spend time with my siblings at my mom’s.

Now that I’m older, I’m living with my dad and so thankful that I am getting to spend more time with him. Getting to know my parents now is completely different- I see the struggles they went through when I was a kid, and I feel blessed to be so close to them. With my siblings, it’s just such an indescribable feeling. I think it is just absolutely amazing to be able to watch my younger siblings grow and develop their own personalities, dreams, and opinions. 

I’ve had a hard time the last few years adjusting to being an adult and trying to find my own way and what I want to do with my life. My parents are very opinionated and influential to me as far as what they want me to accomplish in my life. The problem is, I’m not too sure what I want to do yet, and I feel like I am disappointing my family when I don’t do exactly what they want me to do. It’s hard to stand up for yourself to your parents when just a couple years ago, I listened and did everything they said without a question. Now I’m realizing that it’s MY life, and I’m the one that has to be content with myself and what I’m doing. I can’t try to make my parents happy forever. If I do try, which I believe I have been doing, I won’t ever be happy with myself and where my life is going. My twenties are for me to figure out who I am and sometimes that includes doing what I think is best. If I make mistakes along the way, my parents are going to be there to help, support, and pick me up. But I need to live and make decisions on my own. Being so close to my family, it’s really hard to step back and become more independent. I know my parents will always have my best interest in mind, but I need to do this for myself.

I have to live for me.