Have you ever looked back on where you were several years ago when you thought you were happy? When you thought you had everything you wanted and knew exactly what you were going to do for the rest of your life?
I swore I had it all when I was 17. I had just been accepted into the college of my dreams, I was in a relationship with someone I truly thought I would spend the rest of my life with, and I was working towards the career I had always wanted. Everything was going according to plan. Little did I know, I didn’t NEED any of those things. I COULD have finished school and become a teacher- I would have been in my first year of teaching high school math. I COULD have stayed in that relationship- I probably would have been married with a kid on the way already. I COULD have had everything I thought I wanted and needed.
Fast forward five years… No college degree, living at home, dating someone new, and just starting a career that I never would have imagined myself doing.
But you know what? I’m happy. Not happy in the sense that I am completely satisfied with my life, not by a long shot. But I’m happy in the sense that I think I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Everyone tells you that your twenties are your years to travel, find adventure, discover your passions, and learn who you are as a person/ I never thought that applied to me. I thought I KNEW who I was, I thought I already knew what I was passionate about. If you asked me today what I was passionate about, it would take me awhile to think of something. But I’m having fun finding out! I’ve tried bar tending- turns out you need to really enjoy being soaked with alcohol and actually having upper body strength. (Not my thing.) I’ve tried yoga- way too boring and the idea of turning into a human pretzel in a room that’s 100 degrees isn’t as appealing as it sounds. I’ve tried living the “party girl” lifestyle, but I really don’t enjoy being hungover or surrounded by drunk people. Another reason why bar tending didn’t work out. I’ve tried the whole makeup-obsessed- girly girl thing (don’t get me wrong, I’m GIRLY), but putting two inches of makeup on and taking pictures of myself all day makes me feel a little shallow and vain. (Sorry not sorry.)
But before I sound like nothing sparks my interest! I love baking- cupcakes, cookies, cakes, pies, even fudge. Love it! Especially when it consists of an afternoon listening to old school R&B and dancing while eating the left over batter. (Salmonella who cares?!) I know that I love organizing. For example, my girlfriend was coming out here to visit and didn’t know what to pack. SO my OCD self decided to send her a list of exactly what she needed to bring, what she could leave at home, and what we would get for her once she was here. (A post will be dedicated to my self diagnosed OCD.) But the idea of organizing a closet, planning a trip, alphabetizing a bookcase excites me to NO END. It’s strange and some think it’s boring, but I just love it. My passion for music is something that has never changed though. I could sit and listen to music all day long. I’ve played the piano since I was five, and even though I don’t play as much as I would like to, just feeling the keys calm me and makes me forget about the madness.
The point to this post is that yes, life will throw you off the path that you thought you needed to be on. You’ll be hesitant or stubborn (like I was) to accept the change. If I’ve learned anything the past few years it’s that the longer you resist the change, the harder life will mess with you, and the harder it will be to get back up on your feet. Accept that maybe what you thought you wanted isn’t what you NEED. Your life is a story, and as much as you’d like to be able to write every chapter the way you’d like, life just doesn’t work that way. So when you get knocked down, take a second, catch your breath, stand up and start going again. Don’t be surprised if life takes you away from what you were working on. It’s up to you to decipher if it’s something you want versus something you need.